After reading the blog assignment, I immediately came up with a very typical interpersonal conflict, which occurred in my dormitory life when I was at my home university. To narrate the story more concisely, I would like to make some adaptations.
There are four girls living in the same dorm, Alison, Bonnie, Cathy and Dian. We can call them A, B, C and D, who became very close friends in the first semester. It seemed that the four girls were in harmony but actually there did exist some problems. A started to pour a lot of complaints on RenRen (the Chinese version of Facebook) since the second semester: “My roommates are always trying hard to lose weight. What’s wrong with them?” “I never make noise when you are doing your stuff but you guys never care about me. ” B, C and D felt really angry about A’s behaviour but they decided to pretend not seeing those complaints and keep showing kindness to A so that their relationship would not be awkward. But one day A posted a complaint which was really malicious. B could not tolerate any more so she questioned A on why she was so resentful of the others. A was angry about B’s interrogate and later never talked to B any more. The four girls split into two sides, one is A, the other is B, C, and D, and then the cold war started.
According to my analysis, the lack of efficient communication is the main cause of the problem. I believe every dormitory will more or less have some internal problems. Alison chose to complain in RenRen rather than talk to the other girls when she felt dissatisfied with them. Maybe it is because she thought it was embarrassing to unveil her dissatisfaction by conversations. So she tried to arouse their attention by RenRen. The other girls pretended not to notice the problem in order to keep harmony. Perhaps they believed they’d better not to bother and make the dormitory atmosphere awkward. I think they could have handled this problem in an earlier state if four of them had a heart-to-heart talk and enhance mutual understanding.
Since their relationship has already worsened, I suggest they write e-mails to each other and confess their true feelings and thoughts if it is really embarrassing to talk about the problem face- to- face. Then here is my question for you now: Do you think it was right for B to interrogate to A’s face?
Hello Linna! (:
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, I would say that it is alright for B to confront A about her behavior however, I would not be able to say for certain if they way she confronted was right.
In order for A to have retaliated so adversely to B might have been a result that B was to harsh in her confrontation with A. If C and D were also present, A might have felt cornered and thus became defensive.
What I would suggest is that all B, C and D approach her separately to discuss the issue. A scenario whereby it is like 3 vs. 1 would make anybody scared.
Ask A nicely as to why she is complaining about them. Request that if she feel uncomfortable with something, talk to you guys personally. Show her that you guys will not berate her or be angry with her for being straight with you all. She might be posting it on social media mainly because she is afraid to face you all in person. If the rest can provide an understanding environment in which she does not feel threatened, she might be more willing to open up.
I disagree with resolving conflicts online or through email unless there is really no opportunity for a face-to-face meeting. Email distances the parties in a sense that there is an absence of emotions and non-verbal cues. It is dangerous to rely just on text alone because there can be many vocal interpretations of text and the wrong interpretation will result in a wrong meaning conveyed which may worsen the situation.
Hope that helps (:
Cheers!
Sarah L.
Hi Linna,
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, it is good for B to confront A about her complaints.
This is because B is doing this only for the sake of making things clearer amongst the girls. If she choose to continue ignoring the problem, it may accumulate and cause even worse consequence.
However, it can be seen from what you have written that A might not be a person who is open to face-to face discussion. The dorm dynamic would only work if everyone puts in a litter bit of effort. Therefore, if nobody raise up the question the environment would never be ideal for all of them. B should bring up the question in a more gentle approach instead of using a way that may cause misunderstanding.
At last, hope you guys can figure out a way to be back like old times!